


Ask someone else!

by snekwami



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: M/M, this is dumb and somehow has identity reveal shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 00:51:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16545644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snekwami/pseuds/snekwami
Summary: Max keeps trying to ask people for advice about his crush on Kim, but they're just as clueless and ridiculous as he is.





	Ask someone else!

**Author's Note:**

> I meant to write this during Speedgamer September and then I didn't, so uh... just have it now I guess, I haven't written enough Kimax recently and I miss it

“Marinette, may I ask you for advice with something?” Max asked, sitting down beside her at the table where she was working on homework.

“Of course!” She turned to face him with that characteristic, cheerful smile of hers. “What’s up?”

Max took a deep breath. It was alright, he could trust Marinette. No need to worry. “Well the truth is, I have a crush on Kim, but I have no idea how to tell him…”

Marinette’s face lit up. “Ooh, do you need my help?”

“Yes please.”

“Awesome!” She lowered her voice and took a quick glance around to make sure they weren’t being overheard, before leaning in close. “Okay here’s what we’ll do. You guys go to the zoo again, and make Kim get the zookeeper akumatized. Then I’ll lock you in a cage like I did with Alya and Nino, and then–”

“What? No!”

“But it’ll work! Trust me!”

Max sighed, adjusting his glasses. “First of all, wasn’t it Ladybug who locked those two together?”

“Uh… y-yes! Yes it was! I was just the one who suggested it to her, uh, when she was saving me… don’t tell anyone…”

So much for that girl’s secret identity staying a secret. How no one else had caught the inconsistencies was beyond him, but he decided that was a conversation for another time.

“Second of all,” he said, “I’m not letting Kim anywhere near that panther again. He himself asked me outright to make sure he stays away. If I’m being honest, I think he’s a little scared of it…”

Max hastily tried to hide his smile. Kim’s awkwardness around the subject of panthers in general was just so… _adorable!_ Even if it was rather ridiculous. It really was impossible to understand why such arbitrary things could seem so endearing, when by logical standards, that shouldn’t be the case at all. Love was one thing that never made logical sense to Max.

“Alright fine, no panther,” Marinette conceded. “Maybe I’ll lock you two in a cupboard or something then? Or… hehe… a closet…”

“I appreciate the pun, but no. If you locked us up anywhere then I can assure you that Kim would just try to punch his way out.”

“So, he’d basically save you? And it would be really romantic?”

“No! Look – I… never mind, I’ll ask someone else…” He stood up to leave. “Thank you for the advice anyway.”

Marinette giggled. “No problem! Honestly, I’m not the best person to be asking for advice about confessing to your crush, as you’ve probably guessed…”

She was already staring off into space, probably daydreaming about the day her efforts with Adrien would finally pay off. Oh, typical Marinette. Max just left her in peace and went to look for someone else to ask.

-

“You’re trying to confess, huh? Don’t worry, I know exactly how to deal with these situations!”

Alya threw an arm around Max’s shoulder, that _I have a plan!_ look on her determined face. He just hoped this plan would be better than Marinette’s.

“So this is what we’re gonna do,” she said. “Me and Marinette will invite you and Kim to the zoo with us after school–”

“You’re not locking me in a panther cage with him.”

Alya laughed. “I wasn’t gonna suggest that! That’s mine and Nino’s thing, not yours. Anyway, me and Marinette ‘won’t be able to make it’ because of a last-minute emergency. But actually we’ll be there hiding, and we’ll communicate with you by bluetooth and tell you what to say when you’re talking to Kim and–”

Max stepped away, pushing Alya’s arm back to her side. “What? I don’t need you telling me directly what to say! Kim’s my best friend, it would be… weird.”

“Well then what did you ask my help for?”

“I just wanted advice. A rough idea of what to say to him.”

“But that depends on the situation! I gotta be there and see and hear _exactly_ what’s happening, so I can tell you what to do!”

Max shook his head. “No bluetooth, no micromanaging. Unlike Marinette, I actually do have the capability of _coherent speech_ around the boy I like.”

Alya grinned at him. “Then it sounds like you don’t need my help after all. You’re Max! You’re smart! You’ve totally got this!”

“Really? Thank you!”

“Of course!” She turned him around and gave him a shove. “So go do it!”

“B-but… I don’t have a plan…”

“Well unless you want my bluetooth and micromanaging, go ask someone else for help.”

“Right…”

Ask someone else for help. But who?

-

Chloé didn’t even look directly at Max. She sat on the desk, filing her nails, her arched eyebrows framing her face with an expression of extreme distaste.

“How on earth should I know why Kim liked me? I suppose he must just have good taste, unlike you.”

Max gritted his teeth, already regretting this hasty, illogical decision. “Was there anything you did or said to him that caused his opinion of you to increase?”

“Hmm…” She blew the dust off her nails. “He did rather like it when I bossed him around. But I don’t think that would work in your case, since you’re not exactly the school diva, he’s not going to start swooning the second you acknowledge him. Oh, and I’m rich, of course. Give him an expensive gift or something. A tennis bat made of solid gold.”

“They’re not called bats, and why would he need a solid gold one?”

Chloé gave her hair a flip, glaring at him. “For status, of course! Anyway, that was only an example. Just buy him something nice and he’s sure to fall for you in an instant.”

“That seems shallow, though…”

“Exactly! How do you think I felt when he tried to give me that brooch?! Your crush is a shallow person, and in order to woo him, you’ll have to adjust to his shallow tastes.”

Max shook his head. “You never got to know him well enough to see past all that. He isn’t shallow, and an expensive gift isn’t going to guarantee success.”

“If you say so. Now, are you done here yet? Got any more ridiculous questions?”

“No. Thank you for your help, Chloé.”

He turned to walk off. Really, she hadn’t been any help at all. Who else could he ask?

-

Alix yawned. “Which one’s Kim again? All you tall people look the same to me.”

“Alix…”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” She laughed and gave him a punch in the arm – probably one that was supposed to be gentle, but certainly didn’t feel like it. “So, you need my help?”

“Yes.”

“ _My_ help. You’re asking _me_. For help.”

“Yes.”

“Huh, you really must be desperate…” She thought for a few seconds. “Oh, the flower petals always work. You go get ice cream with Kim, then I’ll throw flower petals at you guys. That’ll work.”

Max rolled his eyes. “No flower petals, please.”

“What, why not? And what else am I supposed to do then? Throwing flower petals at people is my speciality!”

“I wanted advice, not hay fever!”

“My advice is that I should throw flower petals,” Alix said. “It works for my other friends. It’ll be so much fun.”

“You just really want to throw flower petals, don’t you?”

She nodded. “It’s my calling in life, I’ve accepted it. Rollerskating flower petal-throwing third wheel. That’s me.”

“Well throw them at someone else, then.” Max rubbed his forehead. “I don’t even know why I asked you for help…”

“Exactly. Go ask someone else.” She turned and skated away, leaving a handful of flower petals drifting to the ground in her wake.

Hmm… someone else…

Kim was a boy. And so Max should surely ask a boy. Right?

-

“Of course I’ll help you,” Adrien said, flashing Max that dazzling model smile. “It’ll be fun to be a wingman!”

“Thank you, Adrien.” Phew, this already seemed to be going better so far.

“Kim’s a hopeless romantic, isn’t he? Give him a bouquet of flowers!” Adrien’s eyes lit up, and he began to talk faster. “Take him to a romantic restaurant with you, and eat spaghetti together! Write a poem for him, read it to him in the moonlight, bow to him and kiss his hand–”

It took all of Max’s self-restraint to not bring up the fact that he _knew_ that this idiot was Chat Noir, and he was merely giving advice based on the way he treated Ladybug, which seemed not to be working considering how Marinette was still in love with Adrien in some kind of twisted-up love square worthy of an anime or something…

“Max?” Adrien was frowning at him. “Uh… was that not good advice?”

Max cleared his throat. “It was great advice, but a little too, uh, movie-like for my tastes. I don’t want to make things weird. I just want Kim to know the truth.”

Adrien had a faraway look on his face. “Simple. You pull him into your arms, you whisper in his ear… _Je t’aime, Ladyb–_ uh… _Kim_ …”

“Look, Adrien, Marinette is Ladybug, you’re Chat Noir, just tell each other you like each other. There, I’ve solved all your problems for you. Now, if you excuse me, I think I’m going to go ask advice from the only person I know who’s smarter than I am, and yet infinitely more dumb…”

He left, internally revelling at the shock on Adrien’s face. Things really were going to be interesting at school tomorrow now, weren’t they…?

-

Markov seemed absolutely overjoyed to have been asked advice on a subject, and that in itself was setting off alarm bells in Max’s brain.

“Max, this is so exciting!” Markov gushed. “I knew you had romantic feelings for Kim! I knew it! I’d been analysing your behaviour around him for so long, and I asked Rose about it too since she appears to be knowledgeable in these matters, and…”

“You told Rose about my crush on Kim?!”

“Oh, no, she already knew. She thinks it is very readily apparent.”

Max hugged his knees to his chest. “Well Kim hasn’t noticed…”

“Then I will tell him for you.”

“What? No!”

“Why not? If you are too nervous, I can easily do it! It’ll be fun! And then you won’t have to worry about telling him yourself.”

“But I want to tell him myself,” Max said. “I know I’m nervous. I… I _shouldn’t_ be, because he’s my best friend, and I know he always will be even if he doesn’t… you know… feel that way about me. But I’m still nervous.”

Markov gently perched on Max’s shoulder. “Emotions can be very inconvenient and annoying sometimes, right?”

“Right. But without emotions, I wouldn’t be in love with Kim in the first place. Or be his friend.”

“Or my friend!”

Max turned to face Markov, his heart swelling with pride at the reminder of his little creation having real emotions and feelings. “Exactly.”

“Max, having analysed the situation, I think the best outcome is if Kim knows how you feel. Whether you tell him or someone else does. If he doesn’t know, you will continue feeling nervous about it. The question is how he’s going to find out.”

Max nodded. “You’re right. I have to find a way to let him know. Perhaps I don’t need to quite tell him directly, I could hint at it enough for him to figure it out himself.”

“Good idea!”

“But how am I going to do that? I need to formulate a plan… I need to… oh! I know exactly who to ask!” He leapt to his feet, more energized already. “See you later, Markov! Thank you for your help!”

“You’re very welcome, Max!”

-

“Max, are you sure about this?” Ondine asked.

“Yes. It’ll be far too nerve-wracking to tell him outright, so I’ll need to do it indirectly.”

She frowned, almost looking a little sorry for him. “Thing is, Kim can be a bit, um… dense. I don’t mean it in a bad way! But if you try to be subtle, he won’t notice.”

“Then what if I be obvious? I’ll be more and more obvious until he notices.”

“Just tell him.” She pushed her notepad and pencil into his hands. “Write it down and give it to him, if you have to. He’s so oblivious. Just… trust me on this one. Seriously, trust me. _Tell him_.”

Max sighed. “I don’t even know how…”

“That’s for you to decide, I guess.” She smiled at him, sweet as always. “You’re Max, though. You’re so smart and cool, you’ll figure something out! And I know Kim will take it fine. He talks about you a lot, you know.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! More than anyone else. He really cares about you. You can do it.”

How was she so encouraging, just like Kim? No wonder those two got along well together.

“Maybe I’ll try,” Max said finally.

“Awesome! Let me know how it goes, won’t you? Well I guess Kim might first, but…”

“I’ll be sure to keep you updated. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Welp. Would he really have to tell Kim, directly, that he loved him? Could he even do that? He doubted he would have the courage, not when the time really came for it. If only he could be like Kim – falling for someone he didn’t know so well, someone who it wouldn’t be as terrifying to confess to!

Well, there was one person he hadn’t yet asked for advice.

Should he even dare…?

-

“Kim, may I ask for your help with something?”

Max’s heart was pounding, and seemed to do a rather spectacular leap when Kim turned to look at him, a curious smile on that handsome face of his.

“Yeah, sure! What’s up?”

He took a deep breath, his guts twisting up inside. No, he had to get his nerves under control.

He cleared his throat and quickly said, “I keep asking people for advice on how to confess I have a crush on you but no one’s given me good enough ideas. What would you suggest?”

Oh great, he had actually said it now. He wiped his sweaty hands on the side of his shirt, resisting the overwhelming urge to run away screaming. Why were emotions a thing again?

Kim frowned, thinking for a second. “Well I’m not really great at this stuff, that’s why I kept asking you for help with crushes but I guess… uh just go for it? I mean I know it’s harder than it sounds, especially when it’s your best friend. Like me! I’ve been _way_ too nervous to tell you I like you! But if you told me you liked me, I wouldn’t mind. So just do it!” He gave him a thumbs up.

Max just stared for several seconds, trying to process whatever the hell Kim had just said.

“You okay there?” Kim put his hand on Max’s shoulder. “You seem distracted.”

Of course he was distracted! Had Kim just… accidentally, casually, confessed to liking him back?! Was that on purpose, considering how casually Max himself had gone about it? Or had Kim not even noticed that he’d done that…?

“You know,” Kim was saying now, still completely unawares, “you could always ask me out. But wait, I might think you mean it as a friend thing, so maybe just telling me you love me would work best… or I don’t know, just kissing me or something… something really obvious and blatant so–”

“I LOVE YOU KIM.”

Oh…

Oh – _oops_.

In every scenario Max had considered, he never realized he would end up confessing out of sheer _confusion_.

He really didn’t understand Kim sometimes. Maybe that just added to all the reasons he loved him. And this confusion really fuelled the irrational side of his brain, the side that didn’t even think before straight-up announcing a love declaration.

Bracing himself, he looked back up to see Kim’s reaction.

Only for Kim to grin and say, “Aw, love you too bro. So anyway, how are you gonna tell me? When are you gonna do it?”

What?

_What???_

“Kim, are you serious right now?”

“Um… yes?”

He looked genuinely confused.

Wow, Ondine had been right – Kim really was dense, he really was unbelievably oblivious, to the most absurd degree, and it was so confusing, so infuriating, and – and – so _incredibly cute_ –

Max didn’t think twice before just grabbing Kim’s face and kissing him.

This… this idiot boy… how had Max even fallen for him? He would never know, he would never understand, and maybe he was alright with that.

He wasn’t sure how long it was before he let go and stepped back to see that _finally_ Kim looked surprised. Oh, thank goodness, his obliviousness did have a limit after all. Max vaguely guessed that he himself must look a little surprised too – he didn’t usually consider himself the kind of person to just kiss people on whims. That was more of a Kim thing to do.

It had been nice, though.

“Wait a second…” A blush was spreading over Kim’s cheeks. “You… ohhh. Oh man, I’m so dumb.” He covered his face with his hands. “Wow. How did I only just notice what you were saying… ughhh, that’s so embarrassing…”

Max couldn’t help but start laughing. “Kim, it’s okay!”

Still blushing, Kim grinned nervously at him. “Well um… I love you too, Max. Not in the chill way I said it earlier, but like, full homo.”

It warmed his heart so much to hear Kim say that, almost melting his brain completely. “Oh Kim, really? Since how long?”

“A few months, I guess? I don’t even know. I thought I was being obvious about it, but I guess maybe I’m not the only oblivious one, huh?”

Kim winked, smirking in that stupid way that always gave Max an adrenaline rush. And when Kim leaned over and put an arm around him, it practically gave him a heart attack. In a good way, somehow.

“So what now?” Kim said. “Should I take you to the zoo? Or a fancy restaurant somewhere? Ooh, I could tell Alix to throw the flower petals!”

“Kim, have you been asking people for advice too by any chance?”

“Maybe.” He suddenly kissed Max on the cheek. “But their advice is dumb, so I’ll ask you instead, you cutie. What do you wanna do now?”

Hmm… Not the zoo, not a restaurant, definitely no flower petals. Perhaps something he knew for a fact both he and Kim would enjoy, as always.

“How about we have a video game contest?”

“Yeah, that sounds fun! And if I win, will you kiss me again?”

Max nodded, grinning. “But you won’t win, of course.”

“We’ll see about that! Anyway, come on – let’s go!” Kim took Max’s hand and pulled him along.

Max did rather suspect he might lose. After all, losing on purpose did seem a bit tempting, considering what Kim’s prize for winning would be. And losing by accident thanks to being distracted was always a possibility.

Or perhaps he could win, and then just kiss Kim anyway. Kim would never see it coming.

He was too _oblivious_ , after all…


End file.
